friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?
me: i don’t have money
friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay
Im gonna bake blueberry brown sugar muffins with coconut oat streusel and then im gonna have a fried egg sandwich and maybe cry a lil bit
when you kiss ‘em after you eat their ass like
"started from the bottom, now we’re here"
i was all dressed up and he went “aw you look so nice, like youre gonna give a poetry reading…or maybe hold doors open for people”
he’s in the bathroom whistling like a virgin